end of the year musings
End of the year musings this year are definitely a mixed bag, but isnt a mixed bag kind of what we want as opposed to a lack of variety? At least in the life experience department…or this is what I’m telling myself at least.
Obviously I know it’s good to have certain aspects of life be predictable. I am a lover of consistency and safety, of things tried and true. I cherish reliability, authenticity and sincerity in the majority of my life experiences. I’m not one who does well with chaos and if I’m honest have a hard time “going with the flow”- as they say.
I am however, actively working on the similar ideal of “trusting the process”. I suspect they mean the same thing ultimately but for some reason “trusting the process” makes me feel like I’m actively participating with this elusive “flow” of life by taking part in the process, and participation feels positive as opposed to just going with it. Self deception at its best
Regardless my year gave me many insights and firsts, opportunities that scared me, along with failures, rejections, confusion as well as positive feedback and successes.
Basically enough of a mixture to keep me engaged and thoughtful as well as challenged and more determined…and I hate to say it “going with the flow” now that I’m thinking about it, is what really connects all experience together. Whether I agree to it or not determines how much value I get out of life.
What I’m taking with me from this past year is that I can do more than I thought and there is value in all of it and thats what makes me valuable, my ability to see it in myself.
End of the year musings this year are definitely a mixed bag, but isnt a mixed bag kind of what we want as opposed to a lack of variety? At least in the life experience department…or this is what I’m telling myself at least.
Obviously I know it’s good to have certain aspects of life be predictable. I am a lover of consistency and safety, of things tried and true. I cherish reliability, authenticity and sincerity in the majority of my life experiences. I’m not one who does well with chaos and if I’m honest have a hard time “going with the flow”- as they say.
I am however, actively working on the similar ideal of “trusting the process”. I suspect they mean the same thing ultimately but for some reason “trusting the process” makes me feel like I’m actively participating with this elusive “flow” of life by taking part in the process, and participation feels positive as opposed to just going with it. Self deception at its best
Regardless my year gave me many insights and firsts, opportunities that scared me, along with failures, rejections, confusion as well as positive feedback and successes. All of which has made me feel more determined to stick to one of my favorite adages “slow and steady wins the race”. I have always felt this to be true for me, just taking one step at a time and giving myself time to assimilate my steps as well as look around me and evaluate my direction. Giving myself advice and going with the flow seems akin to trusting myself and the process of life. We’ll see where that leads and as long as I can keep making art I feel like I’m winning.
on finding my voice
I've been reading "The Book of Form and Emptiness" by Ruth Ozeki and came across a passage last night that stuck with me.
Fish swim in water, unaware that it is water. Birds fly in the air, unaware that it is air. People live in stories, unaware that this is their water or air.
This idea felt exciting to me, like it was a view that I had not yet gotten to see of something very familiar and perhaps taken for granted. I think unknowingly this year for me has been about identifying my story and how I am part of it but also how it often is already written for me. Maybe this can be likened to fate or the idea of already being bound to something and the only chance we have to make choices come in the moment of how we perceive the experience we are having.
This makes me think of how often I am trying to find my voice in this life. How many voices am I adopting of other peoples or societies voice- how much of what runs through me is my truth- essentially... or is it just a repeat of a larger continuing story of humanity. This idea of the story being our unknown air or water we breathe and exist in.
Viewing from the drop amidst being in the vast sea...definitely an idea worth chewing chewing on.
Making Hay
I feel the layers of summer all around me right now. The rhythm of light and the sounds of insects and birds, the richness of plant matter in the air and the ozone smell of the soil or lakes after it rains. Its a wonderful time of outward expression and socializing in synch with the buzzing of the season. I am always impressed with the exponential growth of summer as if so much living must transpire in such a short period of time. The adage make hay while the sun shines has always been in the background of my thoughts. To me this speaks to the practice of conscious living, or taking advantage of a situation that’s advantageous while you have the chance. The seemingly short season of summer speaks to this and reminds me that nothing lasts and recognizing and appreciating the moment is a constant exercise. I hope summer is helping you remember to take advantage of a good thing while it lasts.
I feel the layers of summer all around me right now. The rhythm of light and the sounds of insects and birds, the richness of plant matter in the air and the ozone smell of the soil or lakes after it rains. Its a wonderful time of outward expression and socializing in synch with the buzzing of the season. I am always impressed with the exponential growth of summer as if so much living must transpire in such a short period of time. The adage make hay while the sun shines has always been in the background of my thoughts. To me this speaks to the practice of conscious living, or taking advantage of a situation that’s advantageous while you have the chance. The seemingly short season of summer speaks to this and reminds me that nothing lasts and recognizing and appreciating the moment is a constant exercise. I hope summer is helping you remember to take advantage of a good thing while it lasts
This may sound crazy
I remember as a child feeling a sense of serenity in arranging objects.
This was probably just my brains way of organizing and understanding my environment, but it’s also a way of self soothing that has followed me though out my life.
Perhaps a little obsessive compulsive? but how things relate and connect to one another has always felt like a detective game I play with the world, often in a subconscious way.
If I place this plate in this way next to this glass not only will I be creating something beautiful to me but I will also be living somehow in harmony with in my surroundings.
Perhaps its a form of mindfulness? or just an arcane skill I’ve been developing over my lifetime, but it definitely plays a large part in how I create art.
A quilt is just a puzzle of pieces placed with thought, as is deciding what color to use in a painting or what angle to use when taking a photograph.
Trying to create that sense of harmony in the relationships of objects is a basic form of language or communication - that of a tactile and visual nature.
Anyway noticing the many ways we express and communicate with our world is a practice, especially since we’re all coming from very different perspectives.
Imagine how many different ways there are to communicate besides language or words…obviously we are limited in our human form, but observing other living creatures, insects, plants
and how they manage to interact and meet their needs- dare I say live in harmony with their environment. Isn’t that ultimately what we are all trying to do?
Communicating and being expressive in the world is truly amazing and that we are able to understand each other at all is a miracle. It is something that I appreciate often!
Especially when it comes in the form or shape of artistic expression.
This may sound crazy
I remember as a child feeling a sense of serenity in arranging objects.
This was probably just my brains way of organizing and understanding my environment, but it’s also a way of self soothing that has followed me though out my life.
Perhaps a little obsessive compulsive? but how things relate and connect to one another has always felt like a detective game I play with the world, often in a subconscious way.
If I place this plate in this way next to this glass not only will I be creating something beautiful to me but I will also be living somehow in harmony with in my surroundings.
Perhaps its a form of mindfulness? or just an arcane skill I’ve been developing over my lifetime, but it definitely plays a large part in how I create art.
A quilt is just a puzzle of pieces placed with thought, as is deciding what color to use in a painting or what angle to use when taking a photograph.
Trying to create that sense of harmony in the relationships of objects is a basic form of language or communication - that of a tactile and visual nature.
Anyway noticing the many ways we express and communicate with our world is a practice, especially since we’re all coming from very different perspectives.
Imagine how many different ways there are to communicate besides language or words…obviously we are limited in our human form, but observing other living creatures, insects, plants
and how they manage to interact and meet their needs- dare I say live in harmony with their environment. Isn’t that ultimately what we are all trying to do?
Communicating and being expressive in the world is truly amazing and that we are able to understand each other at all is a miracle. It is something that I appreciate often!
Especially when it comes in the form or shape of artistic expression.
Mid year Summer solstice 2024
The Longest day of the year- Summer Solstice 2024
Mid year reflections on Mid age
This year I quit my job and have jumped off the metaphoric dock into my first year as a full time artist. I admit I have no idea what I’m doing, except spending time every day making art in some form or another, and looking for ways in which to share that with other humans. I realize that this venture could be a total failure and I’m working against a whole host of obstacles, half of which I’m sure are my own ideas about my self worth, abilities and general lack of experience, not to mention lack of community, working in isolation and the proverbial learning curve of starting anything new from scratch.
Honestly- I’m coming to this at the mid point in my life after raising kids and working at what ever job I could get as needed to help inflate our family’s income. Of course its far more complex than that, but for some reason I feel like when one looks back in time things are really quite simple- decades break down into single sentences, dreams get discarded for what’s pragmatic and we all bend to the natural course of a life that is being lived. This is normal and I’ve loved the life that I’ve been living in all of its many different manifestations. I feel like my life is very much akin to the forest I live in- full of different worlds within worlds.
Of all of the ways in which I imagined myself art has always been my secret language. The way in which I relate to the world. Its something I’ve kept close and made sacred.
Insular is the word I keep butting up against and its triggering reactions in me. Its a path of least resistance, one that I know I’ve been traveling on many levels and something I’ve accepted as part of my constitution. But as with anything in this world of opposites- the path of least resistance is both positive ad negative and something that needs discrimination- recognizing when its beneficial and not.
And its here at this mid point in the year and in my life that I’m trying to come out of my own skin…I feel awkward and exposed and in the dark…but am making a clear decision to take a path not predictable or easy, at least for my part.
A Mid year reflections on Mid age
This year I quit my job and have jumped off the metaphoric dock into my first year as a full time artist, que scary and exciting music.
I admit I have no idea what I’m doing, except spending time every day making art in some form or another, and looking for ways in which to share that with other humans.
I realize that this avenue I’ve embarked upon could be a total failure and I’m working against a whole host of obstacles, half of which I’m sure are in my own head having to do with self worth… but also the very real obstacles of practical experience, not to mention working in isolation and the proverbial learning curve of starting anything new from scratch.
Honestly- I’m coming to this at the mid point in my life after raising kids and working at what ever job I could get as needed to help inflate our family’s income.
Of course its far more complex than that, but for some reason I feel like when one looks back in time things are really quite simple- decades break down into single sentences, dreams get discarded for what’s pragmatic and we all bend to the natural course of a life that is being lived.
This is normal and I’ve loved the life that I’ve been living in all of its many different manifestations. I feel like my life is very much akin to the forest I live in- full of different worlds within worlds.
Of all of the ways in which I imagined myself- art has always been my secret language. The way in which I relate to the world. Its something I’ve kept close and made sacred.
Insular is the word I keep butting up against and its triggering reactions in me. Its the path of least resistance, one that I know I’ve been traveling on many levels and something I’ve accepted as a part of my constitution, (or my inclination towards being introverted).
But as with anything in this world of opposites- the path of least resistance is both positive/negative and something that needs discrimination- recognizing when its beneficial and not.
And its here at this mid point in the year and in my life that I’m trying to come out of my own skin …I feel awkward and exposed and in the dark…but am making a clear decision to take a path not predictable or necessarily easy, at least for my part at this time in my life.